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Tuesday, June 30, 2020

SE AK summer troll season opens Wednesday - KFSK

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Spring season troll-caught king salmon (Photo courtesy of Matt Lichtenstein)

The commercial troll season for king salmon in Southeast Alaska opens Wednesday, July 1. The first summer opening might be a little longer this year with a boost in the catch allowed under the Pacific Salmon Treaty with Canada. The new month also signals the end of spring trolling that targets hatchery kings.

Spring trolling was open in May and June, meant to offer fishing time for chinook produced by Alaska hatchery programs. The Alaska Department of Fish and Game expects the spring catch will wind up around 13-thousand kings. That’s an improvement over last year’s total but still well below recent averages.

With still concerns for wild Southeast chinook that we’ve had a huge reduction in the number of areas that are open in spring,” said Grant Hagerman, the department’s regional troll management biologist. “About a third of what we’ve historically had open has been open so obviously reduces the number of fish harvested and the effort so that’s kind of what we’re still seeing this year.”

Both the winter and spring saw improved catch totals over last year despite continuing restrictions on fishing time and area. But this spring’s catch saw a drop in the Alaska hatchery fish component. Catches were bolstered by king salmon destined for rivers in Canada and the west coast of the U.S.

As for effort, this spring around 250 permit holders have made landings, well below the recent average of around 415 trollers. Also down this year, the average size of spring kings. And the spring price started very low, just over four dollars a pound. Hagerman said that has rebounded to around seven dollars a pound.

“That’s something that we have not really seen before in the past but given how the markets were, you know with everything shutting down, obviously restaurants closing, a lot of the spring fish are fresh fish going to that kind of market,” Hagerman said. “So not surprising that price started out low where they were having to probably freeze that product I would assume but as things started to open that price has come up.”

Typically the price drops going into the summer season.

The big question mark hanging over the summer season was a lawsuit seeking an injunction on king salmon trolling in federal waters three miles off shore. Those waters produce a big part of the summer season catch. A judge recommended against an injunction in June. That’s one piece of good new for trollers.

Another is this year’s allocation for the fleet is up from last year. That’s based on indicators of salmon abundance agreed upon under the treaty. Fish and Game expects the first opening will last around seven or eight days for the fleet to catch a target harvest of over 85-thousand kings, or 70 percent of the allocation. But Hagerman said effort and other factors will play into how quickly the fleet reaches that mark.

“It’s hard to know how this pandemic is going to affect effort, if guys are really itching to get out and there’s going to be a lot more boats out just to get out, or if it’s going to be fewer or kind of how that’s going to impact that,” he said. “Weather is another one too. We’ll really have to get a handle on how that effort has changed because that could swing a day here or there if there’s more boats or fewer boats than what’s anticipated.”

Summer effort has seen a big decrease in the last few years, close to 600 permits in the summer season, instead of the 750-800 that was the norm. A second opening to target the remaining kings will follow later in the summer.

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July 01, 2020 at 04:59AM
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SE AK summer troll season opens Wednesday - KFSK

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Troll

Ryan Reynolds crashes 'X-Men' reunion to troll Hugh Jackman, plus more news | Gallery - Wonderwall

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July 01, 2020 at 04:41AM
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Ryan Reynolds crashes 'X-Men' reunion to troll Hugh Jackman, plus more news | Gallery - Wonderwall

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Troll

Pun-Filled Don't Leave Me Challenge Is Taking Over TikTok - TIME

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Social media is being taken over by a whole lot of dad jokes and we have the “Don’t Leave Me” challenge to thank for that.

The meme’s origin story, according to CNN, started back in March when Nigerian comedian Josh Alfred, known online as Josh2funny, posted a silly sketch on Instagram, TikTok, and Twitter. In the bit, Alfred stood on some leaves from a tree and when his friend, Bello Kreb, asked him to do something, he said he couldn’t because he was “on leave”. (Get it?) As he walked away, Kreb chanted “Don’t leave me!” and just like that a new internet challenge was born.

The skit and the format went viral in June and now social media is being flooded as people create their own versions of the bit accompanied by their own dad jokes, wordplays, puns, and deadpan tomfoolery. The format is simple enough: participants come up with some ridiculous joke or wordplay and then run away, and usually someone yells after them “Don’t leave me! Take me with you!”

For example, see Milwaukee Bucks star Giannis Antetokounmpo’s entry where he jokes, “If you take Hannah Montana, and you put her in France, what do you have? French Montana,” he jokes, referencing the rapper French Montana.

Here are a few other versions of the meme complete with their own wordplays:

The challenge is so versatile, sometimes there is no video necessary to make the joke work:

In short, there’s no escape from the dad jokes online thanks to this challenge.

Contact us at editors@time.com.

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June 30, 2020 at 11:40PM
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Pun-Filled Don't Leave Me Challenge Is Taking Over TikTok - TIME

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Joke

Our Teams Favorite Pilot JokesOur Teams Favorite Pilot Jokes - AOPA Pilot

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It’s safe to say we’ve all heard numerous bad jokes over the years, and no matter how punny they may be, you can’t help but chuckle. Where would any of us be without jokes and laughter to brighten our spirits? With July 1 being International Joke Day, we want to make sure you’re prepared to celebrate. Here are some of our favorite pilot jokes — just be sure to cue the laugh track and have someone ready to say “ba dum tss” after the punch line.

Q: How do you know there’s a pilot in the room?
A:  He or she will tell you.

Q: What noise does a 747 make when it bounces?
A: “Boeing, Boeing, Boeing!”

Q: What's the difference between a pilot and a pepperoni pizza?
A: A pepperoni pizza can feed a family of four.

Q: Why was the little airplane sent to his hangar? 
A: Bad altitude.

Q: Who built an airplane that couldn't fly? 
A: The Wrong brothers. 

Q: What happens to a bad airplane joke?
A: It never lands.

Q: What’s the difference between God and a pilot? 
A: God doesn’t think he’s a pilot…

Q: What do airplane builders say about their job?
A: It’s riveting.

Kid: "I want to be a pilot when I grow up!" Parent: “You can't do both!"

Instructor: Umm…seems a bit windy today.
Student: “Yeah – sorry, I had curry last night.”

Pilot: “N1234, Roger.”
Passenger: “Oh, that’s nice you know him.”

Airline Pilot to passengers: “Ladies and Gentlemen, I have good news and bad news. The bad news is we’re lost. The good news is we’re making good time.”
 
Grandchild: “I want to die in my sleep peacefully like my grandfather, not screaming in terror like his passengers.”

We could keep you in stiches for days, but we will stop for now. We do leave you with an idea, however. It’s always important to take some time out of your day to recognize the important job humor plays in keeping stress at bay, building relationships, and bringing levity to a world that badly needs it right now. Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor’s stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. You can always leave the joke in a funny mug, or a pilot mug if the person is into aviation. Either way, it is a simple gesture that will be sure to get a grin.


The Link Lonk


July 01, 2020 at 02:56AM
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Our Teams Favorite Pilot JokesOur Teams Favorite Pilot Jokes - AOPA Pilot

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Joke

Carl Reiner, 98 years of funny - CNN

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[unable to retrieve full-text content]
  1. Carl Reiner, 98 years of funny  CNN
  2. Carl Reiner’s key to living a long, funny life? Never stop having something to say.  The Washington Post
  3. Watch Carl Reiner's charming, funny final interview  The A.V. Club
  4. Comedy legend Carl Reiner dead at 98; watch our funny video chat from 2 years ago with the TV and film icon  Goldderby
  5. Remembering Carl Reiner's Humor, Friendship and Faith | Time  TIME
  6. View Full Coverage on Google News
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July 01, 2020 at 06:12AM
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30 Funny Horror Movies to Stream Right Now - menshealth.com

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funny horror movies

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When the original Scream came out in 1996, it was a runaway hit. Yes, it was a pitch-perfect genre film, jumpstarting a mid-90s renaissance for the slasher subgenre of horror movies, but the reason Wes Craven's film really worked (along with its subsequent sequels and spin-offs) was its unique tone—it wasn't just scary, but self-referential, and quite funny too. It wasn't just a slasher film (though it was masterful even at just that), but a deconstruction of the entire idea of slasher films. It represented the duality that all the best spoofs do: it poked fun at certain aspects of a genre, while simultaneously itself being a more-than-worthy entry in that very genre. Scream represented two moods that often go together like the yin and the yang: very funny, and very scary.

The combination of funny and scary didn't start with Scream, though. Not all horror comedies have to work this way. Sometimes it can just be a memorable bit of comic relief in an otherwise heavy movie. Other times it can be just a general "how did we possibly get here" feeling. Some might be comedy by design, using the backdrop of a horror or a monster movie to make some juxtaposition magic. A lot of movies aren't necessarily "funny" on purpose, but the camp factor make it impossible to not watch, embrace, and love for the imperfect mess it is. There are a lot of ways to get there, but it's not uncommon to be gasping with terror and laughing from your belly within the same breath.

S0 we pulled together a list of some of the best movies that have the capability of doing both things—making you scared, and also making you really crack up. Embrace the funny, embrace the horror—it's fun, we promise.

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1 Scream (1996)

As we described in the intro, there might not be a more perfect funny horror movie than Scream. This 1996 movie had it all: thrills, laughs, and a perfect cast of the era. A horror movie that knows all about horror movies? Perfect. Teens who are smarter than they seem? It knows, it really knows! And that opening scene with Drew Barrymore might be one of the most iconic horror openings ever.

We're only listing the first film, but the entire Scream franchise is genius—and we're already biding our time until Scream 5.

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2 Tucker & Dale vs Evil (2010)

Tucker & Dale vs Evil is one of those movies that's basically of a spoof of the genre by design—a bunch of teens believe that two dim-witted friends, the titular Tucker and Dale, are the kind of serial killers teens in these movies would usually find in the woods. But surprise surprise: they're just goofballs. But, as you can expect, crazy things do happen.

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3 Friday the 13th Part 3 (1982)

These movies aren't all necessarily funny on purpose. Friday The 13th Part III is by no means a good movie. But it might be the most fun to watch of any movie on this list. Watch this cheaply-made junk with a few friends, some beer, maybe some pizza, and it's a guaranteed fun time. Don't even feel ashamed talking over the movie. That's what this is here for. Bonus? It's the first movie that saw the mythic murderer Jason Voorhees actually sport his iconic hockey mask.

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4 Get Out (2017)

The only movie on this list to win an Academy Award (Jordan Peele took home the trophy for Best Original Screenplay), Get Out is one of the very best movies of the 2010s. Not only is it a brilliantly crafted horror/thriller film that examines important real world themes and issues (Peele himself calls it a "social thriller"), but it's got a lot of moments that will make you really laugh too. What can you expect from the man who started on MadTV and brought you half a decade of Key & Peele?

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5 Us (2019)

Yup! Jordan Peele's second movie is every bit as good (and utterly engrossing) as his first, and with an absolutely amazing Lupita Nyong'o lead performance for good measure. Like Get Out, Us also has a number of moments that will really crack you up (a few of which come from the always funny Tim Heidecker, always a welcomed presence in weird movies/shows).

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6 The Cabin in the Woods (2012)

From director Drew Goddard (Netflix's Daredevil, Bad Times at the El Royale) and Joss Whedon (The Avengers, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Firefly) comes The Cabin in the Woods, one of the most fun horror movies for fans of the genre. I would tell you more about this one, but trust me when I say that it's absolutely imperative to know as little as possible when you start your first watch. The cast features a pre-Thor Chris Hemsworth, and some very fun turns from character actor favorites Richard Jenkins and Bradley Whitford (who also kills it in Get Out).

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7 Slice (2018)

We're going to keep it very basic with this one. Chance the Rapper, in his feature film debut, as some sort of pizza delivery guy werewolf. Zazie Beetz (Atlanta, Deadpool 2) and Stranger Things legend Joe Keery also star. Do not overthink this.

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8 Midsommar (2019)

Midsommar is simultaneously one of the creepiest movies and one of the very funniest on the list, though we must warn you—this is a very different type of humor than some other entries. Most of your laughs with Midsommar will come through awkward on-screen microaggression, or when thinking to yourself "what the fuck is happening right now?" Up front, we'll just let you know its about a group of young people going to a festival in Sweden that they don't know very much about. And, well, they end up learning quite a bit about that festival.

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9 Zombieland (2009)

Zombieland isn't scary, but the zombie genre and the horror genre very much go hand-in-hand, so we're including it on this list. Jesse Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson, Emma Stone, and Abigail Breslin are all extremely fun to watch. A sequel, Zombieland: Double Tap also came out last year with the original foursome all returning. That also works.

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10 Broken Lizard's Club Dread (2004)

You love these guys in Super Troopers and Beerfest. Here, the same gang takes on the slasher genre in the very underrated spoof Club Dread. Turn your brain off for this one and have a blast.

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11 Shaun of the Dead (2004)

Shaun of the Dead might just be the best movie of the pure horror/comedy genre we've got going here. It's not scary scary, but it's an early entry from Edgar Wright, who's since become one of the industry's most exciting directors (behind movies like Baby Driver and Scott Pilgrim vs. The World). It's a zombie movie that will legitimately have you on the edge of your seat, but never takes itself all that seriously. This is his first in the "Three Flavours Cornetto" with Wright and starring Simon Pegg, also including Hot Fuzz and The World's End.

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12 Happy Death Day (2017)

Imagine Groundhog Day, but with a sorority girl who keeps dying over and over again, and needs to solve her own murder to make it stop. From Blumhouse (who makes quite a few movies that fit this horror/comedy mix), this is one of the best on the list. Also, don't sleep on its 2019 sequel Happy Death Day 2 U. Fingers crossed that some day it becomes a trilogy!

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13 What We Do In The Shadows (2014)

What We Do In The Shadows, which takes the 'Mockumentary' format (think The Office, or, more accurately, Best In Show or Spinal Tap), and follows vampires acclimating to mundane human life. The movie—which both co-stars and was co-directed by Flight of the Conchords star Jemaine Clement and Academy Award winner Taika Waititi—was such a success that it's since inspired an FX series that's critically acclaimed in its own right.

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14 Ready or Not (2019)

As a commentary on the upper/wealthy class, Ready or Not is the perfect companion piece to one of 2019's most beloved movies, Rian Johnson's Knives Out. Where that one is a whodunit, Ready or Not is more of a straight-up escape-the-mansion horror/thriller. Except it's always got you on the edge of your seat, and is also very funny. Samara Weaving (Hollywood) owns the movie, but Adam Brody (The O.C.) also has a great turn as a douchebag brother-in-law.

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15 Army of Darkness (1993)

Army of Darkness is the third of horror legend Sam Raimi's Evil Dead movies, and granted that it finds its protagonist, Ash, (played by Bruce Campbell) catapulted back in time and with a CHAINSAW where his arm should be, well, it's pretty funny too. No one balances scares and laughs better than Mr. Raimi.

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16 Drag Me To Hell (2009)

16 years and 3 Spider-Man movies later, and Sam Raimi returned to his horror roots with Drag Me To Hell, a movie that so perfectly fits on this list. As scary and chilling as any other horror movie you'll see, it's also got that Raimi charm of keeping you on your toes with surrealist humor that simply can't be resisted.

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17 The Mummy (1999)

The Mummy series that started in the '90s—with this movie, but also The Mummy Returns—was an absolute blast. Maybe not funny, funny, but 1999 Brendan Fraser (who's having a great 2020 comeback in Doom Patrol) now had the kind of likable, witty, leading man charisma that a Ryan Reynolds has today. The Mummy is scary—its titular creatures literally suck the life out of people. But the cast of Fraser, Rachel Weisz, and John Hannah help to keep things light, and very fun.

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18 Slither (2006)

Fans of Guardians of the Galaxy might be surprised to learn that before getting involved in the Marvel world (and soon DC too), James Gunn directed some very out there genre movies. One of those was Slither, a campy, transformation horror that saw an infestation of giant slugs that make people transform into grotesque creatures. With a cast led by Nathan Fillion and Elizabeth Banks, this movie is just fun.

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19 Planet Terror (2007)

Originally a part of one double-feature film called Grindhouse when it was released in theaters, Planet Terror was Robert Rodriguez' contribution to the fun. This campy-on-purpose horror/thriller features Rose McGowan as a woman who's LEG gets replaced with a very large MACHINE GUN. This is some special stuff.

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20 Death Proof (2007)

And then there's the other half of the Grindhouse double-feature, directed by Quentin Tarantino. Death Proof marked Tarantino's first collaboration with Kurt Russell, and it's one that proved to be a great working relationship—the pair have since worked together on Hateful 8 and Once Upon a Time in Hollywood.

Russell plays Death Proof's villain here, a psychopath who tortures groups of women with his indestructible Dodge Challenger. Like Planet Terror, it's not aiming for any big statement—just leaning into its inherent pulp. And it's a blast.

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21 Young Frankenstein (1974)

This Mel Brooks classic may not have literally invented the genre, but it's one of the earliest and most perfect horror-comedies out there. 1974! Frankenstein's monster and Gene Wilder, on screen together, making people bend over laughing. One of the most perfect movies on this list. If you somehow haven't seen it, it's time to change that.

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22 Snakes on a Plane (2006)

OK, so this movie might not be funny as much as it's just stupid. But it's worth watch for one of Samuel L. Jackson's most iconic lines ever. Or you can just watch the clip of it on YouTube. Either works. Want another fun fact? This movie also inspired a very classic mid-2000s pop-punk anthem from Cobra Starship.

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23 Tremors (1990)

The first Tremors movie is such a fun classic that it eventually spawned many, many sequels, and even a few straight-to-video films and TV series attempts. Kevin Bacon leads with a real movie star gusto here. Giant worms in the ground. The franchise doesn't introduce the monsters called "ass blasters" until Tremors 3, but there's plenty more fun on the way there.

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24 It Follows (2014)

It Follows is a truly brilliant movie, and might still stand the test of time as one of the best of the 'Art House Horror' subgenre. But on top of this movie by David Robert Mitchell being beautifully-shot and perfectly-acted, it's also got some very funny moments as the heroes take on a villain that never really has a physical form.

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25 Beetlejuice (1988)

Beetlejuice has kind of a Silence of the Lambs Anthony Hopkins as Hannibal Lecter thing going on. I realized in a relatively recent watch of the movie that the titular Beetlejuice character actually isn't even in the movie all that much. But his scenes are so funny, and so damn memorable, that it's whats elevated this movie to classic status. Michael Keaton is that good. It helps, too, that Alec Baldwin, Geena Davis, and Winona Ryder are three more legitimate movie stars to anchor the rest of the movie. Nonetheless, this movie has already proven a timeless classic for both creepy and comedy reasons. Constantly rewatchable.

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26 Ghostbusters (1984)

Yeah, you know this one. The 2016 remake wasn't half bad, and if it wasn't for COVID-19 we'd be getting ready for a new Ghostbusters movie with Finn Wolfhard from Stranger Things and Paul Rudd. But nothing beats the classic. Bill Murray, Harold Ramis, Ernie Hudson, and Dan Aykroyd are untouchable. Plus, Horror fans are rewarded with the familiar sight of Alien icon Sigourney Weaver. Just remember: don't cross the streams.

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27 Evolution (2001)

Ghostbusters director Ivan Reitman tried to recreate his sci-fi/horror comedy luck with 2001's Evolution, and....it totally worked! This movie never became a big hit or franchise like Ghostbusters did (though it did briefly inspire an animated series), but it's a super funny comedy adventure about weird aliens invading from outer space. The cast is great, and also very, very 2001: David Duchovny, Julianne Moore, Seann William Scott, and Orlando Jones. Love it.

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28 The Dead Don't Die (2019)

This slow-paced Zombie comedy from Indie director Jim Jarmusch has one of the greatest casts you'll ever see for a movie like this: Adam Driver, Bill Murray, Tilda Swinton, Chloë Sevigny, Steve Buscemi, Danny Glover, Rosie Perez, Selena Gomez, The RZA, and Tom Waits are among the many involved in this Zombie movie that's a little different from most others on the list due to the sensibilities of its uniquely artistic director.

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29 Attack The Block (2011)

This movie starring pre-Star Wars John Boyega is pure fun. Using his real English accent, Boyega leads a team that protects his London housing project from aliens that rain down from the skies above. In fact, J.J. Abrams once supposedly told Boyega (before casting him in The Force Awakens) "I loved you in 'Attack the Block,' I'm going to find you something." So here's your chance to check out how that all started.

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30 Horns (2013)

Horns isn't necessarily going to make you laugh aloud a whole lot, but this story of a nice guy who one day woke up with inexplicable demonic horns on his forehead is fun and shows a good bit of horror along with its nice tone. It never quite matches the book of the same name written by Joe Hill, but it's a fun, quick entry in the horror-comedy canon with a great leading performance from Daniel Radcliffe nonetheless.

Stream It Here

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July 01, 2020 at 05:27AM
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30 Funny Horror Movies to Stream Right Now - menshealth.com

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3 Funny Jokes about Bankers - AmoMama

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Here are three hilarious jokes about bankers and the banking institutions. Joke number one centers on a young banker who decided to pay the most notable tailor in the city a visit. 

After the banker looked through his closet and found that he needed a new suit, he went to get his measurements taken at the best tailor shop.

Hands of bank officer calculating loans | Photo: Getty Images

Hands of bank officer calculating loans | Photo: Getty Images

In less than two weeks, the banker returned for the first fitting. His appearance in the suit was nothing short of epic. The customer took several slow spins to check out the suit's uniqueness in front of the mirror.

Moments later, he asked the tailor why the suit had no pockets. The tailor then responded with a question: "Didn't you tell me you were a banker?"

Customer signing paperwork with bank manager | Photo: Getty Images

Customer signing paperwork with bank manager | Photo: Getty Images

The puzzled banker gave a reply to affirm his profession. Then the tailor said:"Whoever heard of a banker with his hands in his own pockets?"

Senior tailor assisting young male customer in traditional tailors shop | Photo :Getty Images

Senior tailor assisting young male customer in traditional tailors shop | Photo :Getty Images

In for more laughs? Here's another read about two bank workers who were victims of a robbery attack.

These two accountants were enjoying their lunch at their local credit union before a group of robbers entered the bank and began intimidating every person in the building, with their weapons.

Cheerful businesswoman meets with client | Photo: Getty Images

Cheerful businesswoman meets with client | Photo: Getty Images

They instructed the customers and workers to line up as they stripped them off every valuables. During the robbery attack, the two workers maintained a reasonably close distance.

The first accountant suddenly puts something in one of the hands of his friend. The second worker seemed baffled and asked what it was. Without hesitation, the worker replied:

"It is that $50 I owe you."

A gun and money | Photo: Pixabay

A gun and money | Photo: Pixabay

The third joke is about a man who left his Ferrari Parallel in the custody of a banking institution.

This Ferrari owner walked into a bank to seek a $5,000 loan for two weeks, and after a few minutes of discussion, a banker advised that he must provide the bank with collateral.

After hearing this, the man presented the keys to his $750,000 automobile along with the necessary papers. The bank offered him the loan.

A red Ferrari in the streets | Photo: Pixabay

A red Ferrari in the streets | Photo: Pixabay

Two weeks later, the same man showed up in the bank to pay back the loan with a $15.41 interest. At this point, he smiled while collecting his keys from the same banker who excitedly commended the customer for the transaction.

However, the banker notified the man that the bank researched him and found out that he is a multimillionaire. So it was somewhat conflicting to have him loan a small amount such as $5000.

A yellow Porsche in green grass | Photo: Pixabay

A yellow Porsche in green grass | Photo: Pixabay

The multimillionaire answered: "Where else in Manhattan can I park my car for two weeks for just $15.41 and expect it to be there when I return?"

 Read more hilarious joke here

Source: Startsat60

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