Published Jul 10, 2020
So many photos with Ghislaine, eel love causes a lotta pain, late night reminders from your brain, a strange summary of the 2020 campaign, and much more from this week in funny tweets.July 4
An epidemiologist, an ICU doctor and a scientist all walk into a bar.
I'm just kidding, they know better.
— Jerry Avenaim (@avenaim) July 4, 2020
I pledge allegiance to the flag pic.twitter.com/Ww65dkqtoS
— Jules (@Julian_Epp) July 4, 2020
When the jaws open wide and there's more jaws inside, that's a Moray pic.twitter.com/piU3UtyQlh
— Alby (@AlbzSFC) July 4, 2020
What COVID and Racism have in common: People don't believe they exists if they haven't been affected personally.
— Ravon Justice (@CoachJustice10) July 4, 2020
The only candidate for president named Kanye West in the FEC database for 2020 at the moment is a Green Party candidate named "Kanye Deez Nutz West" who's raised $0 pic.twitter.com/jD1o6ydM5m
— Hunter Schwarz (@hunterschwarz) July 5, 2020
no president next term, america need to b single for a while to focus on herself
— j e h f (@jehfro_) July 4, 2020
Kanye's announcement is a great reminder that men look at job descriptions and think—"hey, I'm not remotely qualified, but I think I could do that." Apply for all the jobs, women.
— Amber Benson (@AmberBenson) July 5, 2020
Quit sending Xenninials and Millennials things to print at home. We don't have a printer. And if we do, we haven't found the power cord from our last move. We had been surviving on secretly using our work printers for years.
— Scott Irlbacher (@ScottEarlBocker) July 4, 2020
nearly 100 years ago pic.twitter.com/MMpBWiSIcD
— Mike Schuster (@mcs212) July 4, 2020
July 5
He ain't have to flex on us with that straight line https://t.co/SEoytdYOGj
— ebonnie (@keystodabakery) July 5, 2020
lmaoooooooo boy they bout to do it https://t.co/7LXkWbbipx
— kony 2020 外伝 (@wspieler) July 5, 2020
Due to trumpism, Americans are banned from Canada, the EU, and South Korea. So I don't think we're going anywhere pic.twitter.com/pz7T4xB8kW
— Molly Jong-Fast🏡 (@MollyJongFast) July 5, 2020
— sophia 💅🏻 (@sophsa) July 5, 2020
the performative activism jumped out pic.twitter.com/9rKlB61xtd
— 🕊 (@_cinnamonro11_) July 5, 2020
Anyone shocked by these "Karen" videos has never worked a day in retail.
— Marie Connor (@thistallawkgirl) July 6, 2020
my dad called, sighed, and said: "the tension between your mother and the local deer is getting serious."
— broti gupta (@BrotiGupta) July 5, 2020
nobody:
— Chloe Hutton (@chloehuttonv) July 5, 2020
my brain at 3am: pic.twitter.com/8aFV2hOR0R
July 6
How to mask pic.twitter.com/Mm8IBTrNxd
— Sarah Cooper (@sarahcpr) July 6, 2020
I don't speak Portuguese, could someone translate this headline for me??? https://t.co/aOXRjsmTUR
— pixelatedboat aka "mr tweets" (@pixelatedboat) July 7, 2020
if I die after I pay my rent, sit me on the couch till da 30th
— c mo 💲 (@Cxlby_) July 6, 2020
The 2020 campaign so far:
Trump: I'm racist. Vote for me!
— Paul Krugman (@paulkrugman) July 6, 2020
Voters: No thanks. Also, Biden might keep us from dying.
Trump: But I'm really, really racist! You have to vote for me!
Why are there so many pics of them together pic.twitter.com/PFVefUAgI6
— queen of the rodeo (@madisonegar) July 6, 2020
Harry Potter had a massive amount of inherited wealth, never redistributed it to his ridiculously poor friend's family, and then became a magic cop.
— Carly Rae Jihad (@saintknives) July 7, 2020
July 7
I hate that the Jeopardy announcer has to say your whole job title during the intros pic.twitter.com/9jjGxaM8gA
— Matt O'Brien (@matt_obrien) July 7, 2020
Friendly reminder that phase 3 doesn't mean it's safer to go to the movies or get your nails done than it was in march, it just means that both the state and federal government don't care if you die doing it
— Caroline Moss (@CarolineMoss) July 8, 2020
craig pic.twitter.com/rWOkhwfoib
— stehp (@celinedion69) July 7, 2020
BLM failed to consider pic.twitter.com/lO2bKRgnu8
— Kayla 💛 (@kobcritic_) July 7, 2020
2 Months Vs. 7 months pic.twitter.com/Udgr277WVO
— DRE D'USSÈ 😈 (@_ThatGuyFuller) July 8, 2020
i know the show is called "unsolved mysteries" but it sucks how they don't solve the mysteries
— Jessica Roy (@JessicaKRoy) July 7, 2020
July 8
They just wanted to steal a car, but they ended up... stealing each others hearts. This summer, Jim Carrey and Jenna Fischer get a crash course in love. "Jacked and Jill" - It's a fender bender to remember. https://t.co/U4EVr6WFRz
— karms (@IanKarmel) July 8, 2020
Ban Viagra. If pregnancy is God's will, so is limp dick.
— Angela Belcamino (@AngelaBelcamino) July 8, 2020
Wonder why @ProjectLincoln's video guy Ben Howe deleted these posts 🤔 pic.twitter.com/b6J5yQqP4T
— Nathan Bernard (@nathanTbernard) July 8, 2020
if people today were on the titanic pic.twitter.com/7Lu3zKDgQ9
— Matt Buechele (@mattbooshell) July 8, 2020
why do people say "keep up the good work" i already did the good work and now i would like to stop
— Isha Patnaik (@ishapatnaik) July 8, 2020
July 9
BREAKING: Walking Eagle News has learned that Global News has learned that CTV News has learned that CBC News has learned that Canadaland is reporting something
— Walking Eagle News (@TheEagleist) July 9, 2020
If a black person tells you "You picked the right one today." You in fact, did NOT pick the right one today.
— Roy Wood Jr- Ex Jedi (@roywoodjr) July 9, 2020
The Link LonkFolks, I did it. I have found the most Twitter reply of all time. pic.twitter.com/5dEDPmt249
— Mike Drucker (@MikeDrucker) July 9, 2020
July 10, 2020 at 09:43PM
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This Funny Week in Funny Tweets: July 10, 2020 - Exclaim!
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