MARINETTE — John Foster, a resident of Marinette since his retirement in 2015, is currently in the midst of chemotherapy treatments to fight cancer. Foster, a seasoned writer, writing both law textbooks and all kinds of short stories, decided to write a series of stories chronicling his treatments.
Foster moved to Marinette from Grand Forks, North Dakota, where he spent years practicing and teaching law, because his wife, Karen, grew up here. Foster submitted a few of his stories to the paper to share his journey with other’s suffering from similar ailments, or people who just needed a good laugh. All quotes from him in this article are taken from these stories.
“I put myself through college and law school in the 60s and early 70s by playing keyboards for a rock and roll band. Dense clouds of tobacco and putrid plumes of ‘other’ kinds of smoke in rock pavilions and beach band shells, six or seven nights a week, for 10 years. I bought the tobacco industry hype hook, line and sinker. And Keith Richards of the Rolling Stones always had a lit butt in his mouth on stage (smoking won’t kill Keith Richards … Rumor is that he’s been dead for years, but for a corpse he can really play a mean guitar!),” Foster said.
In Foster’s own words, he is one of the few people on earth who can credit smoking for saving his life. After nearly 50 years of smoking, which he gave up when he retired in 2015, his insurance provided him with a CT scan every year to check for lung cancer. Thankfully, Foster does not have lung cancer, but during one of his scans his radiologist noticed a blurry mass on his spleen.
After several more scans and tests, Foster received a diagnosis. He was diagnosed with Non Hodgkin’s B Cell Lymphoma, a cancer of the blood. According to Foster. “God must have finally realized I made my living as a lawyer, so I assume he punished me accordingly just for that.”
Foster said of his diagnosis, “I got lucky. If you can call a cancer diagnosis lucky. My type of that cancer is curable, with an 80% plus survival rate. I’ve always been a tightwad and never in my life gambled or bought a lottery ticket, but I want to place the biggest bet of my life on that survival lottery.”
Medical scientists just don’t know the cause of Lymphoma, but some medical scientists suspect agricultural chemicals may be the culprit. Foster believes that these chemicals are the source of his cancer. “I spent months in 1997 cleaning, draining, scrubbing and bleaching my flood damaged home when the Red River of the North overflowed its banks and wiped out Grand Forks in North Dakota. When the water finally receded back into the banks of the Red, tons of surrounding farmland toxic chemicals came with it and washed over the city, and my house, and me,” Foster said
In July 2020, Foster added a bone marrow biopsies, MRI’s, CT scans, echo cardiograms, and enough blood draws to keep Dracula satiated for weeks. Good news, no cancer was found in Foster’s bone marrow! Once all the tests were finished, chemotherapy was determined to be the best course of action.
Chemotherapy requires a minimum of six lengthy infusions, one session every 21 days. “The surgeon installed a port in my chest to receive the chemo. If I wear the wrong shirt, it looks like I have a boob. Anyway, the port is useful for drawing blood and injecting chemicals and antibodies that have fancier names than any drugs I heard about in the 1960’s (I don’t remember the 60’s . . .that proves I was there),” Foster said.
Foster’s first chemo session was on July 20 and lasted for eight hours and “was longer than a Sunday sermon at an evangelical church.” According to Foster, the whole experience was rather pleasant. Soft comfortable chairs, large windows, and nurses who were all very friendly, upbeat and funny.
“The chemo infusion itself is not unpleasant. The drugs make me sleepy, but they don’t make me feel sick. Before my first chemo I felt anxious like General Custer before he marched west from Fort Lincoln in North Dakota,” Foster said of the experience. “I expected after chemo to feel more like General Custer after the battle of Little Big Horn. Instead I felt more like Sitting Bull . . . I did a lot of SITTING.
“The evening following my chemo I was a bit unsteady on my feet and moderately confused. Otherwise, after a good night’s sleep I felt as good the next day as I had before my diagnosis. The steroids they give me for five days after each chemo help, I’m sure, but they make me talk faster than Porky Pig or a farm equipment auctioneer. I am told I will probably lose my gloriously full gray mop top as the drugs work through my system. I kept all my hair all these years whereas my four younger brothers lost theirs long ago,” said Foster.
Foster said of his continued treatment, “I hope to update you on my progress later and DAMMIT, THERE BETTER BE A LATER! I know the chemo will ultimately knock me down a bit, but if I can keep laughing and make you laugh a bit, maybe that’ll help defeat this alien invasion. My Body is a temple . . . ancient and crumbling (well, not quite yet).”
The Link LonkAugust 25, 2020 at 10:00AM
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Cancer isn't funny at first, but it grows on you - EH Extra
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Funny
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