Send your entries to jokesonyou@greensboro.com by noon Wednesday, September 16
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Welcome to the News & Record’s “Jokes on You” page. Here is this week’s cartoon for your caption consideration, and last week’s cartoon and entries for you amusement (see below). Feel free to post comments and ask questions.
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And as always, please, no wagering.
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Please remember to put your name on your entry! (If you’re a junior --- age 13 and under --- also remember to include your school or age.)
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While I continue to work from home, I won’t be in the office to accept mail-in entries. I’m afraid it’s electronic submissions only for now until further notice. I apologize for the inconvenience.
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Last week’s cartoon was Babies and the carriage. Next week’s cartoon - the one you’ll be writing captions for is – chicken at the shrink.
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WINNER
“I’m waiting for the Tesla model.”
Ken Waldron, Greensboro
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RUNNERS-UP
“Top speed is only 3 mph, but what a sunroof!”
Bill Wallace
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“I’m thinking about upgrading to something a bit more colorful with flashier hubcaps.”
Jo Snodderly
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“I’m a stroller man myself.”
Debra Watson, Eden
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“I had some good times in that. Makes me yearn for the old days!”
Mike Perry, Eden
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“I AM the sound system.”
Tim Tribbett
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“Our ride’s here!”
Paul J. Klosterman, High Point
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“It’s a convertible.”
Dave Sheets, Greensboro
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“Uber is trying to attract more riders.”
Julie Gentile, Gibsonville
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“I’m not so sure I like these new driverless buggies.”
John Wimmer, Greensboro
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HONORABLE MENTIONS (Also getting votes from our judges)
“It’s nice, but mine has a leather sun visor, Wi-Fi, Audi speakers and a wet bar!”
Mike Perry, Eden
“That’s nothing. Mine has wi-fi, pop-up tweeters, leather air vents and a starlight roof!”
Mike Perry, Eden
“We have the Tesla version.”
Tim Tribbett
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“It’s OK if you enjoy looking at the sky for 30 minutes straight.”
Bill Wallace
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Whew. I’m bushed. Maybe next time we should ask an adult to push
Lee F Richmond, Jamestown
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“It gets up to 8 mph if she’s had coffee.”
Tim Tribbett
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TIM’S PICK(S) My picks don’t necessarily mean what should have won, or gotten a runner-up, it’s just to spotlight what I think are good but over-looked captions.
“The engine makes a funny noise on steep hills.”
Tim Tribbett
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BEAT THE CARTOONIST
When I come up with a cartoon idea, I try to think of different captions that could go with it. Here’s one I came up with that are a bit different from the ones you sent in.
I had in mind ride-sharing captions like: “Did you call an Uber?” or “My Uber’s here.”
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THE REST
It gets pretty good mileage. We only make 3 stops....breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
Susan McAbee, Eden
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Please let us go for a ride, we will leave our mask on!
Teresa Bean, Greensboro
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1. Imagine getting a wheelie in that!
2. It looks like the one Mary Popppins used to drive.
3. Mom said to watch my carriage, but I thought she meant how I walked.
4. If there's a baby in there, let's push it down the hill.
Martha Eakes, Greensboro
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Meals on wheels, a chauffer, smiling faces- I miss the old days!
They just don't make ragtops like they used to!
Mike Perry, Eden
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I’m upgrading to a three wheeler soon.
Mebane Ham, Greensboro
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”Let’s get in the stroller and go get some real food!”
“I will get in the stroller, you push, we are out of here!”
”Remember when they pushed us around?”
”Remember when they pushed us around? We are finally free!”
Rick O’Reilly, Greensboro
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"It's like a car with a dead battery."
"If it had a motor, we'd be in business!"
"It's just another symbol of our dependence on adults."
"It's OK if you enjoy looking at the sky for 30 minutes straight."
"Think of it as a stagecoach without the horses."
"It has a great GPS because we make it home every time."
"Get used to a lot of people leaning over and poking you in the stomach."
"Parents use it to show us off to the neighbors."
"It will have to do until we can walk on our own."
"Put wheels on your crib and it'd be the same."
"Strange faces appear and say 'Coochie-coochie-coo!'."
Bill Wallace
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“It’s our first lesson on how to get pushed around in our society.”
Tom Sloan, Greensboro
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“That’s my new convertible.”
Tim Tribbett
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"Top speed is only 3 mph, but what a sunroof!"
"It only has two gears, Park and Drive."
"If it starts raining, this baby can really go!"
"We always make four left-hand turns, then we're back home."
"I think the 'Baby On Board' sticker is redundant."
"It can make cars stop when we're crossing a street."
"It's like a shopping cart with reclining seats."
"I consider it rather pedestrian."
Bill Wallace
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It's nice, but mine has a leather sun visor, Wi-Fi, Audi speakers and a wet bar!
Mike Perry, Eden
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It's nice, but mine has a leather sun visor, with Audi speakers and rear-divided seats,
I've asked for wi-fi, but she acts like she doesn't understand.
You hear that baby talk? They're so cute when they're young!
Mike Perry, Eden
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My dad thinks it's too slow, so we're looking. But If we can find warp-speed capability, we're going with that.
Mike Perry, Eden
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Wow, what a beauty- independent suspension, alloy wheels and a metallic finish!
Mike Perry, Eden
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...and it's got it's own workstation!
Mike Perry, Eden
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He's so ugly, his mom doesn't push it- she pulls it!
Mike Perry, Eden
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My mommy doesn't, but my dad does. He's found out all the cute nannies take us to the park.
Mike Perry, Eden
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You've got it wrong. Change is always good!
Mike Perry, Eden
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How'd I know it was time to be born? I was running out of womb!
Mike Perry, Eden
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I’m thinking about upgrading to something a bit more colorful with flashier hubcaps.
Sent from my iPhone
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Our next set of wheels should be a tricycle.
V Sparrow, Greensboro
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You know, I really prefer the rag top to the hardtop, but nothing is like a convertible!
Mike Perry, Eden
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1. Looks like a 1950’s model to me.
2. They tell me that Grandpop was the first to ride in it.
3. I think they called it a baby carriage.
4. It was replaced by the “stroller”.
5. Yeah it’s big. Grandma had twins.
6. It’s a convertible.
7. That thing belongs in a museum.
8. You can sit on the shady side.
Dave Sheets, Greensboro
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Those things are so expensive, my folks had to take out a second mortgage,
Mike Perry, Eden
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I was just wondering, does a biker couple use a sidecar stroller?
Mike Perry, Eden
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There's owner's manuals for cribs, cars, products, appliances, even microprocessors, but not for a baby!
Mike Perry, Eden
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Hey, babe! You wanna check out my crib?
Mike Perry, Eden
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"Mom says she gets four blocks per gatorade with this model."
Jonathan Sparrow, Greensboro
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It's got independent suspension, plenty of room for two, FM/AM- or we could look at that clown car down the street!
Mike Perry, Eden
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Mother called an Uber.
Joey Pellino
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"I ordered the Fits-All sizes model."
"Why not? Shipping was Free."
"Sorry but the ordering instructions were very confusing."
Gerald A.Smith, Greensboro
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“Darn! I thought Mom and Dad were getting us a Ferrari!”
Julian Busby, M.D. High Point
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"I'm waiting for the Tesla model."
"Where are the stairs to get in?"
"Where is your COVID mask, dude?"
"Please socially distance."
"It's a keyless entry."
Ken Waldron, Greensboro
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My mom is so negative. The other day, daddy remembered the car seat, the stroller and the
the diaper bag. But mommy was only fixated on how he forgot me.
Mike Perry, Eden
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Mom won the drag race.
Mom is trading it for the clown car. It's roomier.
Concealed carry. That why it has a hood.
Henry, Greensboro.
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I think we've been replaced!
Lynda Perry, Eden
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After seeing the current models, I think it's time to replace the rag top!
Mike Perry, Eden
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I had some good times in that. Makes me yearn for the old days!
Mike Perry, Eden
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They got rid of the old buggy, Strange that they would just go out and buy a new one!
Mike Perry, Eden
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My dad took down the "Baby on Board" sign, and replaced it with a "$9000 Stroller On Board!' sign!
Mike Perry, Eden
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That's nothing. Mine has wi-fi, pop-up tweeters, leather air vents and a starlight roof!
Mike Perry, Eden
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My dad's a lawyer and the first word he taught me was "Whiplash!"
Mike Perry, Eden
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It was an out-of-body experience. A beautiful lady with expensive earrings, skirt and shoes
bent over me and said 'Gucci, Gucci, Gucci!"
Mike Perry, Eden
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It even comes with road-side assistance!
Mike Perry, Eden
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When my dad is chauffeuring me around, his favorite line is "change is inevitable!"
Mike Perry, Eden
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My dad is so lazy, he puts me on a treadmill.
Mike Perry, Eden
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That one is my dad's. Grandma still likes to take him around for a spin sometimes!
Mike Perry, Eden
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Oh no! This one is mine! It comes complete with Blue Tooth, computer and a phone charger!
Mike Perry, Eden
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"Nobody's gonna push me around !"
"I think it's a baby Uber ride."
"Where's the engine ?"
"I'd cry, too, if I had to ride in that thing."
"It's called a pram in England."
"Wonder if it's four-wheel drive."
"I'm a stroller man myself."
"I didn't know they made those anymore."
"I don't think it's built for two."
"Let's not get carried away...."
"I've never seen anything like it before."
"That's a new one on me."
Debra Watson, Eden
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No steering, no brakes, no seat belts... it's a death-trap!
The minute you learn to walk, it disappears.
When Mommy dresses me formally, she calls it "pram and proper."
It's got cigar burns from when Baby Herman used it.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
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" … and it comes with the sidewalk assistance option."
Mike Perry, Eden
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What’s her zero to 60 ?
It doesn’t look like a Tesla
How much Grey Poupon can it hold ?
Mom was at the antique store again
What does it do ?
Where’s the ladder?
Pram. It rhymes with spam
It’s referred to as an Edsel
No brakes, but the accident insurance must be paid up
Think it’ll fly ?
4 wheels and it stinks. It must be a garbage truck
It’s your turn to push
Grandma and grandpa bought it after Woodstock
It has 4 wheels and flies. It must be a garbage truck
They said it’s too nice for us and put it on eBay
Whew. I’m bushed. Maybe next time we should ask an adult to push
I love my first car raige
Lee F Richmond, Jamestown
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"Uber is trying to attract more riders."
Julie Gentile, Gibsonville
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"Do you think we should take it for a test drive first?"
Julie Gentile, Gibsonville
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Billy said to meet him here. I got here 2 hours ago, and you arrived shortly after that. The question is, where is he?
Mike Perry, Eden
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#1: "Our ride's here!"
#2: "I guess you and I are going to have to take turns on this one!"
#3: "This is our top of the line model!"
#4: "An old lady only used this carriage once a week, to push her grandchild to church on Sunday!"
#5: "I don't like this contraption, so I guess I should hit carriage return!"
#6: "Somebody has to be the grown-up around here!"
Paul J. Klosterman, High Point
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I saw a kangaroo pushing one with her joey in it. It took a heck of a salesman to sell that!
Mike Perry, Eden
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I saw one with blaring music, stars and stripes and and loud speakers- it was called the
Donald. This one's called the Biden!
Mike Perry, Eden
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"I'm not so sure I like these new driverless buggies.
John Wimmer, Greensboro
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"Who's the new kid on the block?"
Andrea Wimmer, Greensboro
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“Do they have valet parking?”
Tim Tribbett
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“The engine is off having her hair done.”
Tim Tribbett
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Yep. Those are my old wheels and I’m passing them to you.
Patsy Sadler, Chino Valley, AZ
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“I AM the sound system.”
Tim Tribbett
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“Does it have bluetooth?”
Tim Tribbett
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“I’m yell on wheels!”
Tim Tribbett
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“It gets two miles per glass of chardonnay.”
Tim Tribbett
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“We have the Tesla version.”
Tim Tribbett
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“The engine talks a lot.”
Tim Tribbett
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“I'm pushed for time.”
Tim Tribbett
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“Let’s push past this.”
Tim Tribbett
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“You engine uses a lot of wine.”
Tim Tribbett
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“It gets up to 8 mph if she’s had coffee.”
Tim Tribbett
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“Zero percent financing and $50 for your trade in.”
Tim Tribbett
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“Would you like to take it for a test stroll?”
Tim Tribbett
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1) "Let's not cram in the pram if Gram has a dram!"
2) "Let's not cram in the pram if Gram has a dram; she may ram the tram!"
Larry Parrish, Leaksville
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“Nice...a backup camera!”
Tim Tribbett
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“It has a one cylinder Mompower engine.”
Tim Tribbett
“The engine makes a funny noise on steep hills.”
Tim Tribbett
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“Your engine uses a lot of wine.”
Tim Tribbett
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"I wonder if the new model comes with a pusher"
Kristi Wallace, Greensboro
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“Does it have bluetooth?”
“It’s self driving.”
“Wish we went on as many walks as the dog.”
Phil Valla, Greensboro
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Where's the start button?
Kerin Plank, Greensboro
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“The ‘Baby on board’ sticker seems unnecessary.”
Tim Tribbett
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I don't mind the goo goo and kitchi kitchi coo, but I hate the "this little piggie" routine.
Mike Perry, Eden
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"My brother said his first car had 4 in the floor. FOUR what??"
"Maybe it's got WiFi."
"Why does it say 'Rosemary' on everything?"
"OK, let's try it again... 'Rubber Baby Buggy Bumper'... am I close?"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
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"Nigel says he got a perambulator. You think that's like a Porsche?"
"When I told mom that Nigel got a perambulator she said 'a rose by any other name'... huh?"
"Maybe when Nigel says he got a perambulator he means his has a coffee maker in it."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
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"Sounds like crying... you think they brought us a kitten??!"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
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"Maybe it's like our own movie theatre?!"
"Maybe there's a juice bar in it!"
"Uh'oh Buddy. I don't think it's gonna be just you and me anymore."
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
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THIS WEEK’S JOY “WALKS INTO A BAR” (and other) JOKES
I was such an ugly baby...My Mom was pushing me in a stroller one day and was so upset with folk's reaction to her ugly baby. She sat down on a park bench and the tears began to flow. A kindly stranger noticed her tearfully rocking the pram and decided to do a good deed. He bought a large ice cream and handed it to her. 'Listen, dear,' he said, 'I know you have problems, you don't have to tell me what they are, but hopefully this will cheer you up.' My Mom smiled through her tears and accepted the ice cream. The kind stranger returned the smile then held out his other hand and said, 'And here is a bag of nuts for the monkey!'
Mike Perry, Eden
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BEST POEMS
Turbo Stroller
This may seem to be your typical stroller,
but it is actually one super-charged roller.
It's not due to a mega-horsepower motor,
a spinning propeller, or a helicopter rotor.
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It's powered solely by their mother's legs;
she's an ex-marathoner friends call Peg.
Two kids arrived soon after her marriage;
thus the need for this nice baby carriage.
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Each day at eight and then three o'clock,
the tykes go for a jaunt around the block.
Not always smooth, travel can be bumpy;
the kids take along a teddy called Lumpy.
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Flat on their backs, looking up at the sky,
they have time to think and wonder why.
These trips don't take them other places;
they get back home to see familiar faces.
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But to them, it is a fantastic magical ride,
and a whole lot nicer than staying inside.
They're as happy as anyone who's alive,
but look forward to getting a car to drive.
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That idea might seem a little precocious;
kids in control could make you nauseous.
Consider that if you're behind the wheel;
they'll learn from you, and it's a big deal.
Bill Wallace
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Rocket Men
This young boy and his infant baby brother
are sitting patiently, waiting for their mother.
She promised to take them both for a stroll
in this fancy carriage that can rock and roll.
They can't wait to get loaded and in place,
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imaginary astronauts bound toward space.
All they will view is the cloudless blue sky;
the rocket is fueled up and all ready to fly.
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Instead of orbiting earth like heroic Glenn,
they'll circle the block and go round again.
No splashdown at sea for he and his bub;
after their reentry, it's time they hit the tub.
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The holdup seems to be mission control;
she is enjoying hot coffee and a jelly-roll.
Our space race will endure a slight delay
while mom caffeines up for a hectic day.
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NASA would never succumb to this folly;
they run a tight ship, that's a fact by golly.
But they realize it would be bad publicity
for criticizing their mom's poor efficiency.
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They'll stand by quietly, bite their tongue;
allowances must be made for the young.
This trip won't put NASA on the big map,
but it will let the boys enjoy a restful nap.
Bill Wallace
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Two kids outside waiting to ride on their baby carriage
While their mother was inside at the kitchen table using her crystal ball, talking to a cow
They hoped that she would soon be through and didn't have anything else to do.
Joey Pellino, Reidsville
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One little kid said to the other
"People don't know that I'm your brother
So when they ask us, we'll just tell them
We don't even know each other."
Joey Pellino, Reidsville
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Explained Jeff to his little bro Douggie,
"Lots of grownups with us get so huggy.
They'll coo "mama" and "papa"
And "goo goo" and "nana."
They could drive a sane baby buggy.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
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BEST INSIDE JOKE
It's got independent suspension, plenty of room for two, FM/AM- or we could look at that clown car down the street!
Mike Perry, Eden
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Mom is trading it for the clown car. It's roomier.
Henry, Greensboro
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How much Grey Poupon can it hold?
Lee F Richmond, Jamestown
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BEST CULTURAL REFERENCE
It's got cigar burns from when Baby Herman used it.
Ken Sheldon, Elon
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"Why does it say 'Rosemary' on everything?"
CC Cockerham, Greensboro
The Link LonkSeptember 11, 2020 at 08:00PM
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