The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Oct. 3-9) - HuffPost

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The parenting books didn’t warn me that one day my 4 year old would ask me for, and I quote “a popsicle, but not a cold one”.

— 🕷Marissa 🧟‍♀️🎃 (@michimama75) October 5, 2020

Let’s get married & have kids so instead of trying a pumpkin beer you can stop the crying while I go back into the corn maze to find the shoe.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 6, 2020

The speed at which our baby goes from smiling to scream crying is something I actually really relate to in 2020.

— Emily Favreau (@emilyfavreau) October 6, 2020

Parenting is tricky like what do you do when your 4yo greets your 11yo with “hi ugly penis” which makes everyone laugh but then she starts saying other things about him are ugly so you tell her it’s not funny anymore and she gets upset cause you laughed the first time.

— Snarky Mommy (@SnarkyMommy78) October 8, 2020

My dad has been doing a huge amount of childcare for us in quarantine so I’m delighted to announce my 1-year old baby gestures and shrugs like a 64-year old Jewish man.

— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) October 4, 2020

The weather is turning so I’ve swapped out my daughter’s summer outfits for cooler-weather clothes and my son’s shorts for his other shorts.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) October 6, 2020

What level of Stockholm Syndrome is it when your kid is like “I’m building a Lego home for raccoons” and you’re like “ok” and he’s like “it’ll have robot security” and you’re like “ok” and then he asks if you’d like to hear more and you actually say “yes”?

— Arianna Bradford (@TheNYAMProject) October 5, 2020

I tell my toddler to "ask nicely" and instead of saying please he whispers his demands and I'm not even sure that he's wrong

— Not Another Pinterest Mom (@snarkymomtobe) October 8, 2020

i had to try and explain why china is a country and also means fancy plates to my kid and now i’m sitting here mad at an entire language

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) October 8, 2020

My favorite part of getting a child ready for school is when she says, "Oh yeah, it's Spirit Week and I need to dress like a tree today."

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) October 5, 2020

Fell asleep on the couch, woke up to my 2yo trying to feed me a sandwich. How’s your day going? 🙃

— 𝓛𝓸 ☠️ (@I_DrinkAndText) October 6, 2020

when I was in school, sandwich bags didn’t close. you just kinda folded it over itself and hoped for the best.

— 🎃 mom mom mom mom mom 🎃 (@notmythirdrodeo) October 8, 2020

95% of parenting is literally just spreading things on bread

— SpacedMom (@copymama) October 5, 2020

Beer before liquor, never been sicker, wine before soccer, ok this is actually somewhat tolerable.

— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) October 8, 2020

I just realized that naming your kid Victor is more or less the same as naming them Winner

— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) October 7, 2020

I asked my daughter if she knew why her soccer team was wearing pink jerseys this month and my son interrupted and said "for boobie cancer" and I'm a very proud mom

— Trick or Sweet Momissa (@sweetmomissa) October 7, 2020

Reasons your toddler will wake up in the night:

Nightmare
Sick
Dropped stuffed animal
He realized he fell asleep and rage-woke himself up
No really, fuck you mom, sleep is for the weak

— ☕New-ish Mom🍷 (@LifeThrewLemons) October 6, 2020

2: Papa you're my best friend!

Me: Aw that's so sweet-

2: Now help me clean up these Legos.

— A Bearer Of Dad News ✊🏾 (@HomeWithPeanut) October 5, 2020

Yesterday I asked 3 how pre school was and she told me she didn’t like Karina because Karina cries really loudly so I said maybe Karina’s sad and 3 should be kind to her but at pick up today I heard Karina crying really loudly and now I don’t like her either

— MumInBits (@MumInBits) October 7, 2020

my wife just grounded all kids from electronics and tv for 4 days and if you need me i'll be living anywhere else but here.

— Dadman Walking (@dadmann_walking) October 4, 2020

My 5yo not wanting to brush her hair because her “hair is tired” is on another level of excuse that I think we can all learn from.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) October 3, 2020

no one:

12yo: ahhh do you realize that this Christmas we'll get to buy presents FOR OUR DOG

— Nicole Chung (@nicolesjchung) October 7, 2020

Me: Did you brush your teeth?

4-year-old: Yes.

Me: All of them?

4: *stomps back into the bathroom*

— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) October 9, 2020

Ok so I’m jealous that teachers have the power to mute my kids

— ThreeTimeDaddy (@threetimedaddy) October 7, 2020

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October 10, 2020 at 01:20AM
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The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (Oct. 3-9) - HuffPost

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