One of the most joyous parts of a Christmas dinner is bringing out the crackers.
No, not the ones for cheese (those come later), but the ones you pull apart with a satisfying pop to reveal a too-big paper crown, a useless bit of tat you’ll play with for an hour or so before forgetting its existence, and the quintessential Christmas cracker joke on a teeny bit of paper.
These jokes are terrible, but that’s the point.
They’re supposed to be groan-inducing, not cutting edge comedy, for the sole purpose of bringing everyone together in a that-joke-is-so-bad-it’s-good chuckle.
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But what are the worst Christmas cracker jokes people have encountered?
Thortful has asked the nation to submit their Christmas cracker jokes, then invited them to vote for the worst one.
Having analysed all the entries and votes, it’s official, the corniest joke of all is: What do you get when you lie under a cow? A pat on the head.
What other terrible jokes can you steal and use this Christmas? Read the full list of the worst jokes of crackers past below.
- What do you get if you lie under a cow? A pat on the head
- Why is Parliament like ancient Bethlehem? It takes a miracle to find three wise men there
- Why did nobody bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay? They were two deer
- What did the stamp say to the envelope? Stick with me and we’ll go places
- Why are Christmas trees so bad at knitting? Because they always drop their needles
- What do you get if you eat Christmas decorations? Tinsillitis
- What did Adam say the day before Christmas? It’s Christmas, Eve
- What did the snowflake say to the fallen leaf? You are so last season
- What athlete is warmest in winter? A long jumper
- What is the best Christmas present? A broken drum, you can’t beat it!
- What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus? Claustrophobic
- Who hides in the bakery at Christmas? A mince spy
- What do elves learn at school? The elf-abet
- Did Rudolph go to school? No, he was elf-taught
- Why are Santa’s deers always wet? Because they’re reindeers
- What is Santa’s favourite pizza? One that’s deep-pan, crisp, and even
- What do snowmen have for breakfast? Snowflakes
- What did Santa do when he went speed-dating? He pulled a cracker
- What do vegetarian EU supporters want for Christmas? Lettuce romaine
- How does Santa keep track of all the fireplaces he’s visited? He keeps a logbook
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December 12, 2020 at 07:48PM
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These are the worst Christmas cracker jokes - Metro.co.uk
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