If you ever need a good laugh, and I think we could all use one lately, all you have to do is visit your local boat ramp on a weekend (especially during a three day holiday weekend). The fact is the process of launching or recovering a boat should be a simple evolution. However, too often it turns into a situation worthy of the grand prize on “America’s Funniest Home Videos.” It seems combining a boat/trailer, steep ramp, and water can quickly deteriorate into a “fire drill” I like to call “frantic antics!”
Now if a husband and wife “team” are involved in this process it will likely evolve into a loud verbal exchange that has the potential of serving as a prelude to an episode of “Divorce Court.” There is no doubt about it, a boat ramp is where boating fun can begin or where marriages often end. I am sure there are local divorce attorneys and marriage counselors who make a good living attempting to resolve the communication failures and marital stress created by the act of simply getting a boat on or off a trailer.
Of course, this stress can be compounded exponentially when it involves an unfamiliar boat ramp. Throw in a tourist who has just dragged their prized floating possession hundreds of miles from the mainland in an attempt to “enjoy” a winter vacation on our waters and things can quickly go bad.
I must confess, I too have likely “appeared” in some of these “funniest boat launch episodes.” Fortunately, my boat ramp fails usually substitute the classic groin shot with a knuckle-busting high-speed spinning trailer winch handle … leaving me cursing and bloody! As a result, I will sometimes go out of my way to try and assist tourists who are preparing their boat for a launch, as our local boat ramps can be very challenging. I will also try to impart a few tips to tourist boaters who are unfamiliar with our challenging waterways, hoping to prevent additional damage to our local seagrass and coral as well as their boat.
The other day I was fueling up my truck at the Ramrod gas station when a very pale guy (winter tourist) pulled in towing a beautiful 30-foot boat with two big engines hanging on the back. I complimented his boat and he started beaming as he blurted out … “yeah, it only has five hours on it … I can’t wait to get it in the water!”
Then he told me the people who owned the rental place he was staying in advised he could “launch his boat at a near-by boat ramp on State Road 9.” I assumed he meant State Road 4 which was nearby. I took a second look at the boat and noticed the engine skegs (and props) were pristine … not even a scratch on them, so I suggested he might want to consider launching at Bahia Honda State Park or Cudjoe Gardens Marina as his boat was pretty big for the State Road-4 ramp.
It was obvious he was very anxious to launch his pride and joy as soon as possible so my “local advice” certainly was not what he wanted to hear! Hoping to avert a disaster for a boater who was obviously new to the Keys, I advised him the water where the SR-4 canal meets open water is pretty shallow, especially at low tide.
I quickly realized he was one of those people who is much better at talking than listening when he confidently responded “no worries, I have the latest GPS map on this baby!” For a second I actually thought about volunteering to assist him with the launch, but then I realize he was one of those guys who never listens to good advice.
I am pretty sure this guy will either end up making an appearance on “America’s Funniest Home Videos” or “Divorce Court.” The only positive thing I could see coming out of his boat launch would be a follow-on visit to the local Prop Doctor — but hey … the propellor repair guy has to eat too!
Capt. Pete Peterson welcomes comments and suggestions sent to petersonventures@aol.com.
February 06, 2021 at 12:00PM
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Launching a boat can be real funny | Columns | keysnews.com - KeysNews.com
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Funny
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