The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (March 13-19) - HuffPost

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my two year old just said “mommy why is life the same every day?” like damn existential queen! u tell me

— Ely Kreimendahl (@ElyKreimendahl) March 16, 2021

THE SHINING remains a hugely empathetic portrait of a guy trying to get some work done with a child around

— Adam Nayman (@brofromanother) March 13, 2021

How to bake with toddlers: Don’t

— Real Life Mommy (@reallifemommy3) March 18, 2021

Think my son finally figured out that I have no clue how to parent

— Trey (@treydayway) March 19, 2021

My baby's "hello" greeting is an open-mouth kiss that can only be described as "Drunk Mardi Gras Girl Thinks She's in Love."

— Bess Kalb (@bessbell) March 18, 2021

childrens books are a mess 😩it will be like “mommy clomps into the kitchen in her high heels and bakes! daddy is funny!”

— Chelsea Peretti (@chelseaperetti) March 17, 2021

Can we stop with the “terrible twos” and “threenagers” and “FML fours” and just admit that kids are dicks until they move out?

— Arianna Bradford (@thearibradford) March 15, 2021

Nobody learns to parkour faster than a parent chasing a toddler with a sharpie.

— NicholasG (@Dad_At_Law) March 14, 2021

My favorite part of getting a child ready for school is when she says, "Oh yeah, it's Spirit Week and I need to dress like a giraffe today."

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) March 18, 2021

Welcome to parenthood. There are now lip-shaped imprints on all of your window panes.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) March 15, 2021

We’ve officially spent more time finding a name for our roomba than our second child

— Vinod Chhaproo (@Chhapiness) March 14, 2021

I’m sorry I missed your childhood, son. I was at the grocery store trying to get a clear plastic bag open without licking my fingers.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) March 14, 2021

4: whats a pussy nap

me: a WHAT

4: A PUSSY NAP

me: you meant a CAT nap? it’s a short nap

4: then why-

me: here’s your ipad that’s enough questions for today

— That Mom Tho (@mom_tho) March 18, 2021

My son told me he kept having hot flashes so he googled his symptoms to see what might be going on.

Menopause. He said he has menopause.

— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) March 14, 2021

My kid took off his wellies and snowsuit in one seamless move then left it all on the floor.

I walked in the room and almost went into cardiac arrest. pic.twitter.com/Dys1kx2NP3

— MumInBits (@MumInBits) March 18, 2021

My 3 year old always looks and then says, "what happened??" like he's witnessed some sort of calamity when the answer is usually just, "the wind is blowing."

— ☕New-ish Mom🍷 (@LifeThrewLemons) March 18, 2021

My 4yo called me a blob and I’ve never been more offended by an accurate description of me

— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) March 18, 2021

Things that command kids attention, in order from strongest to weakest:
1. tv
2. airplane flying by
3. chocolate
4. anything they know they’re not supposed to play with
5. bubbles
6. dirt
7. their parent’s voice

— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) March 18, 2021

friend without kids: I'm so BORED!!! I have absolutely nothing to do.

me: fuck. you.

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) March 17, 2021

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March 20, 2021 at 01:45AM
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The Funniest Tweets From Parents This Week (March 13-19) - HuffPost

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