We’ve been trying to teach 3 what to do in case of an emergency. Yesterday we tested her, "what would you do if you found me on the floor and you couldn’t wake me up?” I could see her little brain working. She finally said, “I would go into the kitchen and eat anything I want.”
— ๐๐ธ๐ถ’๐ผ ๐ธ๐พ๐ฝ ๐ธ๐ฏ ๐ธ๐ป๐ญ๐ฎ๐ป (@Mamaoutoforder) March 28, 2021
My 4yo thinks “Proud Mary” was sung by Teeny Tiny and she will take no further questions on this
My toddler has me so sleep deprived that when I stood up to flush after taking a piss and saw a cracker floating in the bowl, I didn't think 'oh, one of the kids threw a cracker in the toilet' I thought 'did I just piss a cracker?'
— Amanda Mancino-Williams (@Manda_like_wine) March 29, 2021
Instead of going to see Godzilla vs Kong I’ll just ask two of my kids to do a project together.
— Professional Worrier (@pro_worrier_) April 1, 2021
Someone taught my 4 year old about April Fool’s Day and his idea of a trick was to dump a bowl of cornflakes on the floor and laugh at me
Parenting articles always give the most obvious advice: “Trouble getting your kids up in the morning? Put them to bed earlier.” Give me something innovative like “Invest in an air horn. We like this one that has a built-in water sprayer, available at Amazon for $15.99.”
Made pancakes and changed the words in that song to “Why don’t you just meet me at the griddle” because being a dad is more than just wearing cargo shorts and white sneakers.
11 was having the cutest hysterical giggling fit and when I asked her what was so funny all she could get out was “your face” in case anyone is waiting around for those precious moments that make parenting worthwhile.
The thing about parenting young children is that you can never be 100% absolutely without doubt confident that your toothbrush was not dipped in the toilet.
— Anecdotal Birthcontrol (@AnecdtlBrthCtrl) April 2, 2021
I take solace in the fact that my 10 month old baby has the physical strength of a 15 year old and only communicates in gutteral howls and so one day will avenge me in her rightful place as the Highlander
Our neighbor baked cookies and brought some over for us. My husband and me have not told the kids one word about them and we’ve just been quietly eating them. It’s been like an unspoken connection, and it feels like we’re dating again..
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