This might sound like a mighty good plan, and I’ve used it several times with no complaints. What I do, when I get to the bottom and start working, is I take the hose and stuff it down the back of my neck. This floods my whole wetsuit with warm water. It’s like working in a jacuzzi.
Everything was going well until all of a sudden my butt started to itch. Of course, I scratched it. This only made things worse. Within a few minutes my butt started to burn. I pulled the hose out from my back, but the damage was already done. In agony I realised what had happened. The hot water machine had sucked up a jellyfish and pumped it into my suit. This is even worse than the poison ivy you once had under a cast.
I had that hose down my back. I don’t have any hair on my back, so the jellyfish couldn’t get stuck to my back. My butt crack was not as fortunate. When I scratched what I thought was an itch, I was actually grinding the jellyfish into my butt.
I informed the dive supervisor of my dilemma. His instructions were unclear due to the fact he, along with the other divers, were laughing hysterically. Needless to say, I aborted the dive. I was instructed to make three agonising in-water decompression stops totalling 35 minutes before I could come to the surface for my chamber dry decompression.
I got to the surface wearing nothing but my helmet. My suit and gear were tied to the bell. When I got on board the medic, with tears of laughter running down his face, handed me a tub of cream and told me to shove it up my bottom when I get in the chamber. The cream put the fire out, but I couldn’t pass a bowel movement for two days because my bottom was swollen shut. I later found out this could have easily been prevented if the suction hose was placed on the leeward side of the ship.
Anyway, next time you have a bad day at the office, think of me. Think about how much worse your day would be if you were to shove a jellyfish up your butt. I hope you have no bad days at the office but, if you do, I hope this story makes them more tolerable.
Look forward to hearing from you soon.
Love, Brian.
May 24, 2021 at 05:00AM
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Daily Joke: Bad day at the office - Starts at 60
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