When it comes to getting lots of laughs, nothing beats a good, clean joke—nothing except for a really funny dog joke that is! That’s why we dug up the best of the best to create this big list of 75 jokes about dogs that’ll have you and your friends barking with laughter.
From cute dog jokes about pugs, Labradors, and other dog breeds to short dog jokes for kids, these jokes will have you panting with laughter. So read up—err…chow down—on this list of dog jokes and pick your favorites to share with friends.
Whether you tell one of these good dog jokes at school or text a few to your buddies, get ready for a great reaction—just be sure to paws a bit before you tell the punch line for max effect. If you don’t, your delivery could be ruff.
Dog Jokes
1. What breed of dog goes after anything that is red?
A Bulldog.
2. What do you call a dog that has been left outside in the cold for an extended period of time?
A chili-dog.
3. What kind of dog likes taking a bath every day?
A shampoo-dle.
4. Why did the man living in Alaska name his dog Frost?
Because Frost bites.
5. Why are dogs terrible dancers?
Because they have two left feet.
6. Which dog breed loves living in the Big Apple?
A New Yorkie.
7. What was the little Scottish dog’s reaction when he first saw the Loch Ness Monster?
He was Terrier-fied.
8. What do dogs get after they graduate from obedience school?
Their masters.
9. What is a deadly creature that looks like a dog, eats dog food, lives in a doghouse, and consumes dog food?
A dog with a machete.
10. When you cross an aggressive dog with a computer, what do you get?
A lot of bites.
11. I recently planted a pet tree, and it’s like having a pet dog except…
The bark is much quieter.
12. How are dog catchers in the UK paid?
By the pound.
13. Why didn’t the dog want to play football?
It was a Boxer.
14. Why do dogs to bury their bones in the ground?
Because they can’t be buried in trees!
15. In English class, why do dogs like conjunctions?
Because dogs love buts.
16. What do a dog and a marine biologist have in common?
One wags a tail, and the other tags a whale.
17. Which dog breed is Dracula’s favorite?
Bloodhounds
18. When you cross a dog with a cougar, what do you get?
A lot of trouble with a postman.
19. What do puppies and pages of a book have in common?
They’re both dog-eared.
20. What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador.
21.. When the dog went to the flea circus, what happened?
He stole the show.
22. What kinds of outdoor markets do dogs despise?
Flea markets.
23. What type of dog is constantly aware of the time?
A watch dog.
24. Why did the two-legged dog to come to an abrupt halt?
It had two paws.
25. Why do dogs tend to run in circles?
Because its really hard to run in squares.
26. What happens if you cross a dog with a phone?
A golden receiver.
27. What could be more incredible than a talking dog?
A spelling bee.
28. What kind of dog consumes food with its ears?
All of them! I haven’t seen a single dog remove their ears before digging in.
29. How many hairs are in a dog’s tail?
None! They’re all on the outside.
30. What happens when a dog loses its tail?
It goes to a retail store to buy a new one.
31. What breed of dog can jump higher than a building?
All breeds can, since buildings can’t jump!
32. What did the man name his two watch dogs?
Rolex and Timex
33. What did Darth Vader’s dog say to Luke’s dog?
Come on! Join the bark side.
34. When you cross a sheepdog with a rose, what do you get?
A collie-flower
35. Why do dogs love smartphones?
Because they have collar IDs.
36. Why did the Dachshund want to sit in the shade?
Because it was a hot dog.
37. What would happen if you crossed a dog and a cheetah?
You’d get a dog that chased after cars, but was actually fast enough to catch them!
38. What do dogs owned by chemists do with their bones?
They barium.
39. What do dogs do when they need to take a bathroom break during a movie?
They press the paws button.
40. When you cross a Rottweiler with a hyena, what do you get?
I’m not sure, but if it begins laughing, I’m going to join in.
41. When my friend’s dog died, I bought an identical one to try to cheer them up…but it just made them more upset. Do you know what my friend said when I gave the dog to them?
“What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?!”
42. When you put oil on a racing dog, what do you get?
Grease Lightning
43. What is a pug’s favorite fall beverage?
Pug-kin spice lattes.
44. Our dog brings us the newspaper every day…
Funny thing is, we’ve never subscribed to any!
45. Why are dogs’ barks so loud?
They have built-in sub-woofers.
46. What do dogs usually like to eat at the movie theaters?
Pupcorn
47. Why does a noisy yappy dog resembles a tree?
It’s because they both have a lot of bark.
48. Want to know if your wife or your dog loves you more?
Just lock them both in a crate for a few hours and see which one is happy to see you once you open it.
49. When you cross a cocker spaniel, a poodle, and a rooster, what do you get?
A cockerpoodledoo!
50. What do you call a dog that can’t bark?
A hushpuppy.
51. Why did the officer issue a ticket to the dog who gave birth on the side of the road?
Because she was littering.
52. What do you call a sleeping Rottweiler?
Whichever you want, but do it silently.
53. When you cross a sheepdog with a jelly, what do you get?
The collie wobbles.
54. Where does a Labrador’s food go before it can be sold in stores?
To the lab for testing.
55. What did one flea say to the other?
Should we walk, or just take the dog?
56. What could be worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis.
57. When you cross a frog with a dog, what do you get?
A croaker spaniel.
58. What makes a businessman different from a hot dog?
The businessman wears a suit, but the dog just pants.
59. Where do dogs park their car?
In the barking lot.
60. How can you get a dog in the back seat to quit barking while you’re driving?
Invite him to sit up front and bark there instead.
61. What do you get when you cross a dog and a ballpoint pen?
Ink spots.
62. Why aren’t Corgi jokes funny?
All of them are really short.
63. How do you know if you have a slow dog?
It chases parked cars.
64. Why did the man make pancakes for his dog?
His dog sure didn’t know how!
65. Why was the dog stealing shingles?
He really wanted to become a woofer!
66. What do you get when you cross a dog and a lion?
You’re not going to get any mail, that’s for sure.
67. When the dog sat on sandpaper, what did he say?
Ruff! Ruff!
68. When does a mother flea become satisfied?
When her entire family has decided to go to the dogs.
69. What did the one dog say to the other before they enjoyed their bones?
Bon appetite!
70. What happens if you connect a Corgi to a battery?
You’ll get a short circuit.
71. Why do dogs love Redwood trees?
They have the biggest bark.
72. What do you call a dog that doesn’t have any legs?
A: It doesn’t matter! It still won’t come when you call its name.
73. When a dog has a fever, what should you feed him?
Mustard—it’s the best thing for hot dogs.
74. Whenever I take my dog to the park, the ducks always try to bite him.
I guess it makes sense, since he’s pure bread.
75. After accidentally swallowing Buzz Lightyear, what did the dog say to Woody?
You got a friend in me.
Check out…
200+ Jokes for Kids
101 Clean Jokes
100 Best Dad Jokes
101 Funny One-Liners
101 Funny Puns
June 06, 2021 at 01:30AM
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75 Dog Jokes - Funny Dog Jokes to Make You Howl - Parade
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